Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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