his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
