Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
