Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
