I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
He did a backflip because drugs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
