My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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