I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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