You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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