dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
