I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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