I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
