I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
im having a threesome with these popsicles
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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