I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
