I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
