girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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