Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
