what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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