someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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