i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
