capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
