dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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