Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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