Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
