I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
