She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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