It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
