So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i believe in u and ur pee
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
