i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
