U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
