we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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