And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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