just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
