K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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