Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
