do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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