well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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