My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
