Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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