theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He shit in the fireplace
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
