If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize