I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
