She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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