he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
