did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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