i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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