i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
