Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
