my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
