My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
True strength comes from lack of pants
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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