Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
