Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
