Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
