I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize