Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
