what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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