There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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