Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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