I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
love makes seman taste better
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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