Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
