She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
