Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
