walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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