i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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