he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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