I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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