O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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