erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
