sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
