No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Randomize
