So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
