just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize