I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
