oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
