nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
